(1 dropped their head | pull in the deepest breath) and amber smiled down upon me [12 Dec 2004|03:24pm] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | derb-deep dark trance ] fuck these past 3 hours have tsken DAYSSSSSSS and i think im going in sane my pupils are huge and im all flsuhed, and warm, and fuck-i cant stop walkjing like a robot mannn i fucking miss this morning man, ahahahaha marlee and terri and danielle and brianne were all tripping me out >.< o.O AHHHHHHHH i need to get a joint, i need a piece of weed i only have three smokes left, i think my ecstasy stole the rest of them :(:( because i sure as dink didnt ahahahah today was good, yesterday too. this morning terri made snowballs for her and i, and we ambushed everyonje, during their smokes.i can remember the patterns in my eyes. ahh i looked at mikes disaplay picture, and he changed it, and i stared at it, and it started moving and shit! it was a picture of him, but it started moving, he started moving! and dancing, and there was a man in a red and black suit too, with grey hair, just watching him rave. itweas fucking insane man. i made a movie out of a picture. i feel fucking PSYCHO. olivia wont stop saying that "one minute you seem sad, one minute you seem happy" how the fuck am i doing that???? im not! SHES LYING i want to go back to the trailer :(:(:(

(pull in the deepest breath) lane howe is a fucking "douche", love terri [12 Dec 2004|12:54pm] [ mood | fucking SCHWACKED! ] [ music | blow ya mind ] fuck cant read the computers screeens to tell what im saying on here guys still fucked on weEed, and fucking CCC. last night was great because i dont remember anything but trippiness. i love trailor parties, man....too bad i had to leave so fucking early:S:S:S i wish some opf you could insanities wou'dc ome online to talk with meee! fuck,m what did we do last night?!?!?!?!? i toook smiley amber, and then 8 CCC's, and i didnt sleep a fucking WINK man!!!! i have been awake for 24 hours. yay me so much trippiness....everything was just way too crazy. fuck, i hate when this shit ends!!!! <3333

(pull in the deepest breath) [11 Dec 2004|12:31pm] [ music | tool, disposition ] laney poo, we all love you. all us kids from orillia love you with all our hearts. i loved hanging out with you and jade on friday. dont go anywhere. we all love you so very much. your cuts will heal and the scars will fade and we will all be here for you no matter what. you couldnt beat us away with a stick big enough to keep us away. we will always be here. and when we arent you will still have merlin. and if you lose him i will replace him with someone else that will always stay with you. think of how much i care for you when you look at him. love you,reuben watching how the weather changed. it really did make a huge difference. used to be.....i dunno. winter? and summer? now it seems to be autumn, and barely spring sometimes. two extremes, 2 comforts. i suppose i found a big enough stick?? i wish i could find it again, so i could beat myself with it, :P. serves me right, thats all.

(2 dropped their heads | pull in the deepest breath) this is wrong. and i cant stop the hate. regret the fallen. thought my way to this fate. [11 Dec 2004|09:57am] [ mood | awake--HAHAHA FISHY ] [ music | people are people ] i need to remember to clean my glass soon. in other news......i dont feel like doing anything right now. no ones online, but its so early-i hate how on the weekends, when im supposed to sleep in, the rest of this ghetto household fucking opens my door, and leaves it so, so when theyre talking and laughing and blaring the television, i obviously wake up, around 8 am??? sometimes earlier. it just pisses me off, i hate inconsideration. i dunno how i am about that fuck now im pissed off, olivia wont leave me the fuck alone. shes been climbing all over me and following me and snooping through shit, and uhhhrrrhjfghfvgFJH . i dunno, im just moody, as usual, but especially because i drank last night and i was woken up at an obscene hour this morning, AAAAAAAAND no one would let me fucking sleep last night i really need to get out of here >.< my surroundings can induce comfort, or in this case stress. and its not helping me or anything, so i dunno. hahaha on a lighter note, yesterday after i heard about the rob currie thing, i was writing it down because i didnt want to forget ( i had just blazed with jesse and harley so... you cant blame me) and then i wrote down something about pocahontas, because terri had compared her to marlee yesterday, and i was trying to write down terri's name, but all of a sudden i got a mind block, and everything was all ".....what the hell, whos name cant i remember??? t.......ta...tookie?" ahaha it made me laugh. sorry terri, i just had a stoner moment :) <33 more tomorrow i suppose. trailer party tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(pull in the deepest breath) "slip away".....is it actually that easy, or am i just masking myself? [10 Dec 2004|10:07pm] [ mood | blaaaaaaaaaabla ] [ music | voice of unreason ] i really do. but it wont. so im hear, half-drunk, and kinda alone. kinda cold too:S and uncomfortable. i need a shoulder or kneee to rest my head on right now. i wish having friends around me whenever i wanted! its so taken for granted, i shouldnt take my friends for granted. everyone who reads this, but more importantly anyone who has ever given a shit, thanks:) even if i dont know, or are able to acknowledge, im glad that i had someone even if i didnt know it. soooooooooooooooooooo tonight was nothing out of the ordinary. brianne, booze (which is, actually, kinda of unusual, for this period of my life), too small of an amount of weed that didnt belong to me or any of my friends, anddddd shitty smokes (which is also unusual:S) wtf are podiums?????? ahaha i dont care. never again, but its ok because pugsleys friend just offered it to me, so its cool. a smoke is a smoke, especially when youre out. im kinda bored. what shall i tyalk about? hmmm i just threw my keyboard on the ground by accident. i think i have not only been fooling my family, about my true self, but my friends, and even myself. i dont even think i know the real me. the one that shows when im totally comfortable being myself. its weird. i also think that this sucks. it would be different if there were people here that i liked, and they just shut me down. but i dont like anyone:| so i cant get shut down, but i dont get anything either. so its just an unhappy purgatory. not unhappy all the time....but my mental purgatory isnt something i jump for joy about. and i shouldnt...or should i? ohh who gives a fiddlers fuck anyways i think i shall just go peruse the world of internet

(2 dropped their heads | pull in the deepest breath) BREAKING NEWS [10 Dec 2004|04:38pm] [ mood | SLIPPY ] [ music | SLIPKNOT ] OKOKOKOKOK so heres tonights story folks. our top story is one of laughable context.......umm, apparently lane gave rob currie head? its all over the world, folks, when asked who circulated this great story, jesse ballsack, of wdhs, replied, "Everyone," before taking a large hit of the pipe and passing it to the hormone-crazed cuplrit, lane. next story.....does weed REALLY shrink your testicles?? we have a fucking awesome guest to talk about this one, Gracelee Budd. more shit tonight kids!!!

(pull in the deepest breath) FUCK TECHNOLOGY [09 Dec 2004|08:38pm] [ mood | dirty ] [ music | slipknot ] ok, nevermind, because im already here so only one of us walks away... sorry i just like it. so ill cut to the shit, because i dont feel like typing out the whole FUCKING entry yet again. sonyas not in bitch mode anymore....i got home, and she didnt seem to have changed, and then after i got my blood taken (im pretty sure they took 4 or 5 vials....it was really awesome to watch :)), i dont remember much, haha (big surprise) and then she was...nice. we took olivia to her sparks thing, and then went to mcdonalds for a drink, sat there. i saw lots of friendly people:) and thennnnnnnnnnnnnnn we went to the pet store because she "wanted to look at something". i knew even before we pulled up to the place. she walks in, and i walked away to see the cat, and i heard her whisper to the chick working, "do you have any kittens" and i was like.....aww. and then on the way to get olivia, we had a good conversation. it consisted of her telling me about all these freak accidents, ahaha, like a chick in australia surfing, and then all of a sudden, WHOA a fucking shark doggie paddles over and bites her arm off, ahahahahahahaha and paul mccartneys wife, standing there on a corner, and this guy on a motorcycle losing control, and smashing into her leg, which flies right off. that one was even funnier. and i was just ooohing and aahhhhing, because its all so wonderful and morbid, and makes me feel giddy, actually. mmmmmm brianne your friend is hot. ill only do him if you give permission :) (do it or ill charlie horse you again ;) haha. anyways, no more jokes eh. i have to go. thats all there is...there isnt anymore. (im madeleine, im madeleine...) thats all. there isnt.....anymore.

(pull in the deepest breath) on broken wings, no flying high [08 Dec 2004|08:23pm] [ mood | full of shit ] [ music | children of bodom ] mmmmm alexi is a fucking piece of meat..........oh well, even if i ate meat again, i still couldnt have him anyways, so it doesnt hurt so bad. this is my third attempt ofentering something here, i dunno when the comp might turn on me again, so i have to make it fast. i just ripped. it smelled like lollipops. hahaha holy fuck children of bodoms cover of rebel yell is quite the object of my sexual fantasies. i wish i had some nasty, long heared, muscley, freaky metal guy from norway, to screw around with. that would be so much fun!!! grrrr, now i feel excited, and its not good. i hate getting excited over things that are never gonna happen!! fucking jeebaz dont you guys hate that too?? i was just thinking, i need to find someone i would sell my soul for, and that would mean i really liked them. but thats not true...because remember that one time? well you wouldnt, so ill tell you; years ago, my friend and i thought it would be funny to watch the simpsons. bart and millhouse were having some trouble because bart wanted his soul back, whih was a piece of paper. so we took paper (100% recycled, we do our part in saving this great world--do you?), and made them our souls too. and then ate them. i just found it funny, that instead of this "soul' leaving my body by way of rising through my chest, it was "recycled" through my ass. ahahahaha! so no, if i found someone i would sell my soul for, i prolly dont like them much at all. wow the comp hasnt given up the fight yet. more typing i guess. too many cops around the town lately........we shall shoot them? or just a swift kick in the ass, and sticky finger in the ear. haaaaa i would laugh soo fucking hard!! oooh, someones home, that means i have to talk to retards now. fuckkkkk :( im serious, this whole house is retarded. me too, but i realize it, they dont. they get insulted, and think i think theyre dumb. which i do. but its annoying! dads a retard. sonya a retard. olivia-shes a fucking retard!! and lane..............you dont even have to say, im a retard. cutters just a dog, leave him out of it. okkkkkkk im out. stay tuned until lanes next mental breakdown

(3 dropped their heads | pull in the deepest breath) kill you FUCK you [07 Dec 2004|04:48pm] [ mood | fuck off ] [ music | lalalalala i cant hear you..... ] holy6 shit life is gay6. about all the 6's...i cant help it, because i spilled hot wax on my6 key6board last night, and now some key6s are stuck together :D y6ay6y6yyyyyy lane. anyway6s, i might need to get glasses, and tonight we'll find out if theres any6thing else they6 can tell me that i "dont" know about my6self, because i have another fucking appointment at quarter to eight, which means i wont be home to catch the call when the school decides to get in touch. FUCK. i also hate someone. its not really6 even their fault, but oh well, they6 dont even know so its even easier for me to fucking blame them for everthing im feeling right now! funny6 thing is.....i still want to talk to this person. i just dont see why6 this shit matters any6more...but im the one who keeps digging it up, so every6thing has gone to shit. fuckkkk i dont know why6 i even told any6one, they6 probably6 know now, and it just repels them. ahhh! its ok, but dont worry6, whatever you heard, oh Hated One, its not true!!! i dont even think this is worthwhile, because i doubt this shitkicker is even read by6 the person anymore. ok enoiugh is enough, i need to blaze today6, because the x number of sessions i had today6 were not enough. im still not mellow, thanks! im fucking rigid and tense as hell right now! i want to hurt things, like they6 hurt me. ahaha ok im gone now.

(pull in the deepest breath) i know why you blame yourself [06 Dec 2004|08:26pm] [ mood | Little Stoned ] [ music | IOWA ] just sitting here kinda tweeked right now. dunno what to do...or say, or know. i just am, and its only weed. im not supposed to be playing with candles, :P but i a, and whoever objects to that can fuck off (dad maybe? i think so) been toying with the idea of flattery, but that makes me sick. i am in a time where it is very dangerous. i cant say how.......it doesnt even exist. you just have to be wary. i adore the way the metal steams as i roast it in the flame, and then sink it like teeth into a soft neck, through the candle. mist escapes, like the few wisps across the majestic Harvest moon on a Halloween night, and the wound seems like a soft jagged imprint, kind of like a lightning bolt made of smoke. skin, on the other hand, sizzles, and makes a big deal out of something so small. ahhhhhhh.............at long last, i shall surrender, fuck everything. i should just go smoke some more pot, cuz theres no one around here, or anything else to do anyways. piece be with you. ps. gracely budd (someone inform me on the correct spelling please? ha) is doing well, although she needs to be potty trained. she made another mess on my carpet this time, not half an hour ago. if this thing doesnt shape up........i just dont know. *at a loss for meaningless, cheap words)

(pull in the deepest breath) i decided i want you...now i know...i need [04 Dec 2004|10:24am] [ mood | cold ] [ music | slipknot ] i miss my friends. i dont want to be in the house alone today....just wanna get the courage to clean up myself, and go out somewhere. fucking weird shit happened to me last night........just laying there, i lost all track of time, and space, and people, and life. i was out of my mind.....from eight until fucking 2 in the morning, it was like a black fever-dark, all around, no loghts, and voices in my head laying out the facts of today. it felt like hours, but ten to eight rolled around, and they shook me until i came to, and i said id be up in a bit, but all i could do was dream. and then when i did awake for real, it was apparently two am. i thought all of the clocks in the house were wrong, or i had been away for days. so i got up, and passion of the christ was on the tv, my dad had fallen asleep. i watched the rest, until 3-4, and then laid down again. i had my face to the wall, and there was humming. then moaning.......it just kept getting louder, and louder, and then i knew something else was coming. hands......i dont know how many....ust alot, clawing at the bed, my back, and the moans wouldnt stop. and then i must have blacked out or something...:S i thought i was going to green, behnd the car at the garage. just sitting there, the patterns wouldnt stop swirling and the colours! red and blue and green and something else......my stomach was killing me. needles being thrust in and out of it, simultaneously, it felt like. i dont even remember what we did yesterday...? ahh, now it kind of comes back. ya, all we did was get high. thats all i have been doing this week. but to the point where all i do is sleep, and stare. i only talk to my friends. at home i am almost deaf and dumb, and blind to all that goes on around me. i want to leave here so badly, but then today i had a smoke and thought...of olivia. should i leave her alone here? but i cant take her with me. and i wouldnt want to. i just dont want to lose her, maybe. i dont know...dont wanna screw her up though. right now, im just wishing that the "saviour" would make its appearance now. the saviour being that person who comes into my life now and again, and makes me feel better about myself. i lost my chance with the last one....what shall i do? because maybe once you say no to someone, while your mind screams at you, MISTAKE, stop making this mistake! ...maybe once you do that, you get no more chances. its not my fault...i thought california would wait. i thought it would be ok, in a little bit of time. but its been a long, awful time, and i feel all hopen is lost now for a companion. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh what a tragedy eh. no, i dont believe i will be h appy.

(pull in the deepest breath) 555----666 whats it like to be a heretic? [01 Dec 2004|04:09pm] [ mood | weirder than you ] [ music | the shape--slipknot ] just got to chilling....kinda bored, but i can get high later and watch some movies i guess???? oh well, at least i wont be alone tomorrow. i just fucking hate this place:( it disgusts me, the hatred-makes me feel sick inside, ya know. been thinking about some people...guys and chicks.....wish i could make things better, but one i havent talked to for ages, one is taken, i blew the chances, one supposedly likes someone else, one i miss and hardly know anymore, ones way too....senior. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk im getting so bored!!! i wanna go buy some more pot and fuckin other shit, and just get fucked up in town. but its so cold....aww maybe ill just....do nothing tonight. :| someone encourage me?

(pull in the deepest breath) magic? no.....more like sneaky destruction :( [30 Nov 2004|05:54pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Let's Have A War-------APC ] came home after first break today.......laid around, smoked some chronic, chronic shit, (out of my new bong! it hits very nicely), and ate too much. its been kinda boring as usual, but the time has passed rapidly because ive been too out of it to know what im doing and/or care. but tomorrow shall be different, blaze at lunch after i get some smokes, and after school, yes? and then thursday is a short-day, and then friday is another trailer party. i have to ask, but im sure ill be there. thats where i wanna do something trippier than ever. but shh! secrets are secrets! not conversation topics. i miss some people:( but im not telling who! they wouldnt care anyways....we're all developing our own lives, away from each other, from me, so im just wondering when mine's gonna start???

(pull in the deepest breath) let me guess......"its because i deserve better" [28 Nov 2004|10:15pm] i witnessed alot of shit this weekend, but it didnt bug me that much until sonya and my dad got home. because they piled just as much more shit as they could, right on my fucking head, and now i just reek of fucking SHIT. i heard and saw alot of things, that, even though ive been subjected to most of it my whole life, managed to make me fucking sick. the kind of sick that makes you go, "how the fuck can the world be THIS messed up?" and makes you want to jump off a bridge, or start cutting yourself again, or go drown out the screaming reality with more booze and cigarettes. every time they started screaming at each other, i just lit up another smoke. but the sad part was that it didnt even help anymore. i just feel sick to death of everyone. thinking about other people's happiness' honestly is making me gag. i feel like if i dont throw up, the waste is going to take the form of some kind of new self-destructive habit. if i had someone to keep my eyes from crying, i would look at everything, and everyone, and ya, it would still make me ill and disgusted, but it wouldnt be so bad. if.....too many if's. i cant say enough about a different life. but would it be any better? id be a different person, facing the same shit. they dont even have to talk to me anymore, for me to know that all of my old friends are getting along ok. and a sadder part of that, is feeling like if i have to hear one more thing about positive things in their lives, i just might give my will for living have a rest. i feel like not giving a shit anymore. i feel like completely becoming the person they warned me about, not just inside, or secretly, like i am doing now. could they not see that my head was aching? could they not see the fucking streaks of makeup on my face from already crying? how nice for them to not notice how upset i was already, and then go and threaten to ground me and isolate me because i said i didnt want to talk about it right now. i was grounded, an hour ago, because i didnt want to talk any more tonight, ahout manipulation, deceit, hatred, abandonement, fear, all the4 shit ive been "deling" with by trying to forget. i see now, that forgetting the problem only makes it worse. but thats what i wanted. thats what i got. everything thats happening to me now, is the results i was hoping to recieve. ironic how i ask for something, and the first time i ever recieve it, i immediately decide that i cant take it anymore? yep, im a great person for that. oh well, i got all my old CD's back, you know. now i can do all the old things i used to do, while listening to fata, afi, sui generis, slipknot. im sure no one knows what im talking about. but its better that way-secrets make sure that no one can lie, no one can pass the information on to someone who has no business knowing. no one gets hurt unless you keep the secret past its expiration date. thats where i learn my lesson, time and time again. i just dont seem to get it though....maybe another try wont hurt-im too numb anyways.

(pull in the deepest breath) what good is a live human if they cannot feel the pain you induce upon them? [25 Nov 2004|04:11pm] [ mood | loved by happy shit ] [ music | Bed of Razors-Children of Bodom <3 ] olivia told me that last night, she had a dream that she was laying in bed, and a white cat climbed up the dresser beside her, and then onto the wall and tried to scratch at her face. then, a black cat with a "grandma hat" tried to kill her. o.0 anyway, i believe that tomorrow night is gonna be sweeeeeeeet. if all goes as planned, my dad has been suckered into giving me my money tomorrow morning/tonight, so i can buy "goodies" (he thinks i mean snacks...im pretty sure I, and the rest of you, know that what that REALLY means is fucking much much better than food) at lunch. ohhh fuck i hope we get everything we need. i hope i get some CCC.....marlee i have faith in your kleptomaniacal hands! pleeease dont let me down..or ill be forced to.....buy some? NOOOOOOO plus....oh my fucking FUCK theres another plus to this, how can there be a plsu to something that is already so great?! anyways, the + is that if everything ELSE goes as planned, ill be going to orillia! with my mom, joe, and a fuckload of money all for lane!!! yep, life couldnt ever get better than that, unless......nevermind. ok, so now im going to go, and scream, because all this thinking is making me soooo mamafucking excited

(3 dropped their heads | pull in the deepest breath) they say they're better than you, and you agree [24 Nov 2004|08:42pm] [ mood | post stoned ] [ music | the ocean-led zeppy ] i don't want to jinx anything else...so ill just shut up but really, after school we walked in the fucking rain/ice motherfucking pellets/-2423534634687944 degree weather to some kids house....who couldnt let us blaze in his house. so we walked to yet another kids house--that kid was in burlington. SOOOOO we walked to the garage, and i cant remember too much that went on today, which signifies that we got really fucking stoned. the "oooh-let's sit between the car and the wall" idea went quite well, it was cold, but i think a definite improvement from out in the open-ness. also, the patterns of the cover on the person's car tripped me out, and it was just so odd to be sitting in such a small space, passing around the ghettoooo. :O:O:O:O fucking hell, there was this REEEEALLLLYLUYLYLYLYLYLY trippy part man!!! holy fucking shit, so weird-we're sitting there, and i go to take a hit, and we hear foot steps, and then theres this guy i think, yelling into the garage at us. i cant even remmeber what they said, but their voice sounded exaggerated and like a monster or something, and they said something about smell. probably the weed... anyways, good times even though i cant remember much at all....aww i need to get some money for friday. i have booze...i need more smokes....more weed.....and CCC? i think i shall just ask for a twenty tomorrow or something, so i can get smokes and pot i suppose. booze and pot will be good. although...........booze and CCC would be good too. anyways, smokes and something. good times men

(1 dropped their head | pull in the deepest breath) we all got left behind, we let it all slip away [18 Nov 2004|07:15pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | slipknot ] yay jades for sure coming tomorrow. i wanna find some booze for us, and we can all get right smashed my mom called...........she must LOVE my ass, cuz she keeps kissing it, ahaha those.....*counts fingers*.....6 gravol really werent that bad. i had jello legs, and phil was like, can you wrap them around your head? and i was like, im pretty sure i could if i wanted to right now, and hes all, "well, ill see you later then ;)" i had some pretty fucked closed-eye visuals. they were all like....notes, written on different paper, and i could read the words, but barely, and they were all fucked up and nonsense. they seemed like chants, or incantations or something my pupils were huge when i got home. i didnt feel like eating....but then i did feel like eating and i was too burnt out to make anything, andi was so fucking cold. then after tv and shite i slept for a couple hours....i didnt think i was sleeping, but it all went black, and then i woke up and it was already 5:30, and pitchblack now the moon is out, and theres a halo around it cuz its all foggy ooh pictures! brb AAHAHAHAHAH i just stepped out side for 5 seconds to take a pic of the moon (i like it shad up) and im pretty sure theres some lone hobo or someone, sitting out there hitting their pipe, because all i can smell is weed smoke. =) fuckkkkkkk i wish i had some buddha if i get a kitten for xmas, which i think is quite possible, i wanna name it buddha le stoner or.......haha i dont know. you guys will have to help me out.....:( anyways, less type more.......ginger ale

(pull in the deepest breath) [17 Nov 2004|06:53pm] [ mood | fucking.....woah ] [ music | blow ya mind [acid MDMA]-- ] BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RING *picks up telephone* allo guvnah? k anyways, im fucking so...................lacking in everything good right now, im pretty sure ill be "legally" insane by the morn. i miss my friends, zowee and zach, weed, smokes, money, having a boyfriend, anddddddddddd yaaaa, booze too. can anybody help me???!!!!!! probably not. its acceptable......every failure of mine has to be, or else ill go berserk, ahaha see im laughing at nothing, and contemplating taking all of the dimenhydrinate suckas (pretty much gravol) so i can at least trip out for a while. but if anything ill save half for tonight, and the rest for whenever else...tomorrow??? w/e jades coming this weekend kidds! everyone be excited, cuz i sure am. DONT FORGET THE PIPE!!!! AND LOOK FOR MY WALLET! but yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa frig i have nothing to do =( i didnt even take pictures, because i was so UN-stimulated that i couldnt even fathom wasting the film to take pictures. all i could think of taking shots of were dressed up kittens. and im certainly lacking in that area! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmm sweet tarts im going to "fetch" some, ha screw it, im not coming back either ciao!

(1 dropped their head | pull in the deepest breath) [17 Nov 2004|10:00am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | elysium ] didn't feel like going to school today...........i slept in til 7:30 and blah i had a fucked up dream last night. all my dreams are fucked up, but this one was about school (this weird ass school......it reminded me of Hogwarts, and it had all the teachers ive ever made fun of especially or hated or whatever, and it also had all the people i have always liked-friends- or did fun shit with from schools), cas, thieving, and ..............weirdness. marlee terri danielle brianne hilary & i got out of school, and we started roaming aorund this town, like we usually do. we were in this survey of townhouses and shit, and all were empty except for 2, right beside each other. one of them we had already broken into in a previous dream, and the other were decided to go into. the guy who lived there was gone......but as soon as got upstairs and were looking around and chilling and shit, he started mowing his lawn, so we all flipped and ran out of the house...but his wife was sitting in the livingroom so she saw us running out of the house, and called the cops. by that time we were out of the house, and going down the street, and she came outside and was still on the phone with the pigs, explaining us to them. she walked up to us, and said, have you seen blablagbla and was describing ourselves...to us. we left, and were off to go blaze with hutch and ballsack and then i found 2 quarters for him, because he still hadn't found any. thennn i went home because i forget why, and i walked into the bathroom because i was fucking pissed that my cats were still gone, and they were right there. zowee and zach were in the bathtub, doing like, trapeez shit, and montico was there too, on the sink. i knew it was zowee and zach, but they looked quite different. and werent acting like cats. even though they were meowing. anyways, its dull around here, i only have resin to smoke and nothing to smoke it out of so bah what shall i do.................................maybe ill take pictures.

(pull in the deepest breath) get stoned [16 Nov 2004|10:28pm] [ mood | burnt out ] [ music | happy 2b hardcore ] today was mild.....mild weather, mild highness, mild feelings of nausea, mild everything. no complaints...i just felt mildly sick all day. mommy called-promises of money and cell phones and shopping trips wont make me love her, but they really do help. not that i hate her....she just makes me feel ill at the moment. i dunno what jades doing this weekend........coming here, or whatever. i dunno.........whether she comes or not, im gonna do my best to get myself and everyone around me quite retarded. when i got out of the TV mode, i came here, and spontaneously started downloading a fuckload of hardcore.......happy >.< that music would be a guilty pleasure...but i dont give a fuck if someone doesnt like it! my facourite right now goes *i want to be a hippie and i want to get stoned on mara-marijuana* >.< i think i might get strep throat sometime soon......hopefully not, because its difficult and almost unpleasant to blaze if so. then ill just be pissed off. [dreams about] marijuana..............

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